Sigh

In half an hour I’m gonna meet up with my ex (god that feel so damn fucked to say…) and exchange our stuff.
My stomach is in a knot… I hope he won’t exclude me from his life completely… or that he just shoves my stuff at me and leaves… damn, this is the worst.

Suddenly this turned into “Breaking up: the live blog” … I just go from being ‘OK’ to ‘I’m NOT motherfucking OK’ in the matter of seconds…

I just don’t know what to do.

Everything feels so wrong … did I do the right thing…?

Am I just rushing towards a big fat nothing?

Existential Crisis Imminent.

The day me and my boyfriend … break… is the day my boss calls me in for a meeting to ask me if I really like working here and comments on my yearly performance…

I just … can’t …

He’s the kindest and most caring, not to mention normal in the head, person I was ever together with… what’s wrong with me. 

I have to pull myself together… can’t cry at work…
All the plans that never happened, still linger in my head.
It hurts. 

I can’t even begin to discribe how much I loathe myself right now… I broke everything.